Your Child Needs A Happy Mom, Not A Perfect One

It goes without saying that we all want to be perfect mothers. These thoughts occupy us mostly when we are expecting a child. We enthusiastically read articles from glossy magazines about raising children, look at cute photos, imagine how we will teach our babies everything from the first years of their life, monitor their nutrition, development… Meaning, we are all just preparing to become ideal mommies.

But have you ever met a perfect mother in your life? Well, no one has!  And the explanation is easy: they simply do not exist. And the sooner you realize this, the happier your children and yourself will be.

You won’t find a manual on how to become the best mother in the world in any bookstore. There is only one teacher in this matter: experience, experience and more experience. Your own at that.

Only over time, through many trials and errors, after minutes of despair and sleepless nights, will you realize that the most perfect mother is the happy mother. Only she will be able to take good care of both her children and herself. Only she can raise her children to be confident and teach them how to live their life full of joy.

You shouldn’t worry too much about the mistakes or omissions you might make. Thoughts like ”Did I dress my child too lightly for a walk and now they’re coughing?”  or ”Why is my child two years old and still doesn’t use the potty?” torment absolutely every mother out there and do not indicate that something is wrong with you. This is life and it’s not perfect. Just as it is impossible to go for a walk with a baby wearing a beautiful white jumpsuit and come home without the garment being stained in dozens of places.

No matter how hard you try and how exhausted you are, kids will always find every puddle on the street, break something in the house that should not be broken, or paint the walls in a room. What you should never forget is that  it’s not your fault at all. It’s not you who “didn’t watch” or ”didn’t do enough” – this is how all children in the world grow up.

Your task is different – just try to love and support your children in whatever they think or want in life. Don’t discourage them from wanting to explore the world, even if you panic about injuries and infections. Instead of dwelling on some trivial thing your children are doing wrong, praise them for what they have accomplished. Give them those unforgettable moments of happiness: the moments when your most beloved person on earth tells you that you are the best. That you are loved. This is the most important thing for children and what really makes them happy.

No, you won’t be over the moon 24/7. There will be moments when you’ll be frustrated or get nervous. You’ll be angry that you didn’t do all the housework or that you forgot to make your kid a sandwich for school .. but at the end of the day you’ll be really happy! Happy, because you have your children and they are God’s greatest gift to you that you have received. You might sometimes feel that there is only chaos around you, but it will be a pleasant and happy chaos. And it is the most wonderful thing that can happen in a person’s life.

Know that it is normal to have bad days in which you’ll likely just want to give up. Tired, always in a rush, messy, etc… And it won’t be how you imagined motherhood would be. But all this does not mean that you are a bad mother or that you can’t cope with raising children. It also doesn’t mean you’re unhappy, even though you feel drained at that specific moment. It only means that you’re a human just like the rest of us and like millions of mothers around the world.

If you want to be truly happy, don’t try to be the perfect mother and show it at every opportunity. Yes, you can be tired, cranky, and even “looking like cr*p.” That’s life and it’s normal! It has its ups and downs. Remind yourself that after all, you have a very difficult job. You are a mother 24/7 and you wake up and try your best every day. If you are meeting your children’s needs and they are smiling and laughing a lot, then you are doing great and you deserve the recognition that you may not always get. But you do love it. And that’s all that matters.

Your reward, your recognition, is in the happy faces of your children. Knowing that they feel good and happy around you. Many people think that children need us much more than we need them. But that’s not exactly the case. We need them just as much in return. Because without them, without their laughter and pattering of feet around the house, life is empty and meaningless.

Remember one thing – your children will love you even when you make mistakes. And they won’t hate you because you had a bad day or because things aren’t going well right now. Never worry about it.

They will love you forever as long as they know and can feel the love coming from your side. Even when you forget to wash their school uniform and they have to wear dirty ones. Even when you serve croutons instead of a diet and healthy made soup. Your children need you to feel comfortable and happy in life. They don’t need you to play superhero because you are already a superhero to them. Even if you don’t imagine yourself as such at all. In fact, it’s quite the opposite.

We tend to neglect our happiness. Underestimating how great we are at what we do and overestimating every misstep and mistake.

Don’t be so hard on yourself! Love your kids. That’s all they need. And be happy: children need a happy mother, not a perfect one. Only then will they shine full with joy.